


Christmas in Midbury

by Hyperionova



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: 1900s, Angst, Christmas, M/M, Prostitution, Rentboys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 17:55:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13195470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: Missed opportunities. Wrong turns. Poor choices. They had cost him the most precious person in his life. Maybe he would never fall in love, maybe he would never be ready to let go of Kai.But holding Kai back would be the most selfish thing he could ever imagine doing. He could not drag Kai down with him.





	Christmas in Midbury

**Author's Note:**

> Head to the end for a reader-friendly PDF!

 

 

# Chapter One

 

**_City of Cragford, 1911._ **

 

Sehun sat up on the edge of the worn, dishevelled bed and looked up at the older man, who tossed a handful of coins on the bedside table once he was done tying his cravat. The church bell pealed in the background. Without another glance, the man stormed off, slamming the door shut behind him. Well, at least he was decent enough to leave Sehun some gratuity and he hadn’t left any bruises on Sehun’s body.

Sehun shifted his weight uncomfortably on the bed and picked up his undergarments from the floor.

He licked his lips and momentarily gazed out the window. He smiled at the gentle snowfall. Rising from the bed, he pulled his clothes on and pocketed the coins he had earned. He then walked over to the window.

The city was never this festive, save this one evening. The eve of Christmas. Everyone went home tonight, to be with their family. Shops were closed. The streets were almost empty. Sehun knew he would not get another client for the remaining night. He picked up his coat and left the room to take a bath.

When he reached the main hall of the bordello, Mr. Hawthorn greeted him with a simple ‘hello’ and a kind smile. The bordello was empty.

“Was it a successful evening?” he asked as Sehun plumped unceremoniously on the chaise lounge, huffing out a sigh.

“He’s a rich one. He, too, had to run back to his family for Christmas,” he said and looked at Mr. Hawthorn with a smirk. “Did he pay a lot?”

Mr. Hawthorn beamed with satisfaction and grabbed a pouch of coins from the strongbox. “He indeed had,” he said, handing Sehun his pay. “I hate the holidays,” the man growled gruffly, locking the strongbox again. “Oh. You are bespoken for Lord Humphry for Tuesday evening.”

Sehun frowned. “But I can’t,” he objected politely. “I told you, Mr. Hawthorn. I have a train to catch tomorrow morning. I am leaving tomorrow.”

“Crikey, it had completely slipped my mind,” Mr. Hawthorn huffed, rubbing his wrinkled forehead. “When did you say you’d be back?”

“In a week,” Sehun replied. “Send my apologies to Lord Humphrey. I will see him when I return.”

Mr. Hawthorn’s haggard face pulled sourly. “Very well. I will ring him to let him know. He had left you this yesterday.”

Sehun’s eyes widened as he accepted the small black box. He lightly gasped when he found a sapphire and silver stickpin in the box along with a folded paper.

 

**_Merry Christmas, darling. I hope you like the present. Blue is a nice colour on you. And I have good news for you… for us. Until I see your beautiful face again, I shall lament the days with naught but your memories._ **

**_Yours,_ **

**_William H._ **

“Wow. That is a really nice rock,” Mr. Hawthorn commented. “What does the note say?”

Sehun blushed and pocketed the box. “He says there is good news for… us.”

“Oh. Did Lady Margot finally cross the great divide?”

“I hope not,” Sehun gasped. “And Gabe, Lord Humphry and I are not like that.”

“So you say. He can’t seem to be satisfied by anyone besides you.”

Sehun blushed harder. “Will you thank him for me?”

“I think he’d prefer you do it yourself,” the man scoffed, smirking.

“Merry Christmas, Sehun,” Kyle chimed when he entered the drawing room. Before Kyle was recruited, Sehun used to be the youngest in the bordello. Unlike Sehun, Kyle was not an orphan, but he too had run away from home seeking a better life.

Some might argue that the life they lived now was in no way a better life. Sehun did not particularly enjoy his profession either. There were good days, but many of the nights in bed were merciless. Especially when he had to entertain those who came with certain fixations. There were days he could not take any client until his body had healed.

However, his life was generally good. Mr. Hawthorn provided him with a place to stay, good food, good pay, and not to mention some men Sehun lay with pampered him with luxuries, like Lord Humphry. He had been starving on the streets of Cragford and Mr. Hawthorn had given him a life, and all that Sehun had to do in return was sell his body. It wasn’t such a bad deal.

Except during those days when Sehun felt an immense abhorrence for himself. He felt spiders crawl over his limbs, snakes coiling around his body. He was filthy and impure, undesirable anywhere but in bed.

“Merry Christmas, Kyle,” he said, smiling.

“Kyle, you do not deserve the rest. Mr. Jones had fled from you the other night and demanded a refund. Need I remind you that you have yet to repay me?” said Mr. Hawthorn, rolling his eyes.

“I will get to it after the holidays, Gabe,” Kyle said, and Mr. Hawthorn shook his head, clicking his tongue disappointedly before he left the room. Kyle then joined Sehun on the chaise lounge. “What are you up to for the rest of the night then?”

Sehun smiled. “I’m going for a walk and then I have to get some sleep. I have an early train to catch tomorrow morning.”

Kyle arched a golden eyebrow. “On Christmas morning?”

Sehun nodded.

“Do you have plans I should not know about?” Kyle asked.

Sehun rose to his feet and dusted his pants. “I am going to Midbury.”

“Midbury?” Kyle echoed, looking confused. “Your hometown? You’re not running away from the bordello, are you?”

“Are you out of your mind?” Sehun snorted. “I’m not leaving the bordello. How else would I make money?”

“There are a lot of other ways to make money, Sehun,” Kyle said.

“I’m just going for a visit.”

“All right.” He stood up and embraced Sehun in his arms. Then pulling back, he flashed a toothy grin. “Travel safe, then.”

When Sehun stepped outside, he breathed in the cold air sharply and looked up at the snowing sky. It was the season to be jolly, he presumed. He had made enough money to be just that. Christmas in Cragford was nothing like Christmas in Midbury. Sehun remembered that the orphanage he had grown up in could not even afford a Christmas tree. Every year would be the same dull and funereal day they had to get through. But it was the one day he and the other children would get some good food. Sehun was happy he had left that hellhole. There was nothing for him in a small county like Midbury. No man in Midbury could afford to pay him more than two silver coins, he thought.

Cragford hadn’t exactly been kind on him either. It had taken Sehun more than three years to settle in a city so vast and populous. There were days he had to sleep on the roadsides in the bitter cold with nothing to drink or eat.

And then one day, Mr. Hawthorn took him in and taught him the oldest profession. Sehun had been in the harlotry business since he was nineteen. It had been five years since. It paid well, to say the least. Though it was icky at first, he soon got used to laying with men. All sorts of men. Old, married, lonely. Some of them came to him just to _taste_ him. They had wives, children, and some did not even fancy boys. But Mr. Hawthorn preened on Sehun’s charms and beauty, that no man could resist him. Some liked to get the job done fast and leave without a goodbye. Like the one Sehun had been picked up by earlier that evening. Then there were the regular clients. Those were difficult to not get attached to. Lord Humphry was one of the few men who had always been gentle to Sehun and a good friend, too. He was a kind man and was the first man to have paid Sehun for his services. Needless to say, he was also the first person Sehun had slept with. Lady Margot, Lord Humphry’s wife, was a woman twenty years Lord Humphry’s senior. She was a widow before she had married Lord Humphry, inveigling his parents with her riches.

Sehun had only one rule. It was a rule Mr. Hawthorn had taught him.

Never get his feelings involved.

“Sir?”

Sehun came to a halt and turned around to meet the little boy, cocooned in rags and shivering like a leaf. He held up a cupped hand and looked at Sehun piteously. His crimson cheeks were stained with soot.

“Please, sir,” the boy begged in a small, trembling voice.

He reminded Sehun of himself when he was so little, roaming the streets of Midbury, begging for food and a warm shelter. That was before he was taken to the orphanage. At the orphanage, he was begging for his freedom. He never knew who his family was. For as long as he remembered, he had always been an orphan.

“Where are your parents?” Sehun inquired, adopting a crouch on the sidewalk.

The boy shook his head, frowning. “I know not, sir,” he said shakily and pointed towards the dark alley. Underneath a makeshift shelter, Sehun spotted a young girl playing with a pup. “I would like to buy my sister some warm bread before the baker goes home.”

Sehun sighed and fished a coin out of his pocket. He pressed it into the boy’s blistered hand and ruffled his hair. “Happy Christmas.”

The boy grinned wide and jumped excitedly. “Happy Christmas to you too, sir! Thank you!” As he dashed away towards the bakery, Sehun rose back to his full height and walked away.

Tomorrow, he would be on his way to the hellhole he grew up in. Memories came flooding back to him. Both the good ones and the bad ones. Over the years, Sehun had strived to forget the bad memories while dearly hanging onto the good ones. Going back home would mean he would once again get to relive those moments.

# Chapter Two

 

**_Midbury, 1899._ **

 

“Ouch!” Sehun cried and dropped the coal shovel when a chunk of burning coal from the furnace fell on the back of his hand. With tears stinging his eyes, he pressed his hand to his lips to soothe the burned area. He then frowned at the coal he had spilled all over the floor of the kitchen.

“Why you sodding little—!” the Housemother yapped as she grabbed Sehun by the collar of his shirt.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” he pleaded, tears trickling down his cheeks. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Then you ought to clean it up, don’t you think?!” she shoved him to the floor. Sehun shuddered as he kept his head low.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“Pick them up!”

Sehun stared at the cuts on his bare palms and looked up at the woman with glassy eyes. “With my… hands?”

“Would you rather do it with your mouth, boy?!”

Sehun shook his head and snivelled.

“He… He said he’s sorry,” said a nervous voice. Sehun lifted his head to look at the new kid, who had been brought to the orphanage a few days ago. He stood at the doorway, bearing a pile of firewood.

“What did you say?” the Housemother asked the boy threateningly. She then caught the boy’s ear and twisted it. The boy squirmed in pain. Sehun gasped and quickly picked up the scattered coal chunks before tossing them back into the furnace. He gnashed his teeth to stop himself from breaking into a sob.

“Please,” Sehun rasped, shooting up to his feet. “I have done what you said.”

The Housemother released the boy’s ear and scowled at Sehun. “No soup for you tonight. You can eat that bread from last week and go to bed.”

Sehun lowered his head, hiding his burning, stinging hands at his back. “Ow,” he squealed when the Housemother prodded a finger into a side of his head as she shoved past him.

“Are you all right?” Greta asked in a whisper, looking at him pitifully. She then dampened a rag and pressed it into Sehun’s palm. Greta was a nice girl. She was a little older than Sehun and was kind, though she did not talk to anyone in the orphanage unnecessarily. She was just as quiet as Sehun.

“Cheer up,” Greta told Sehun with a smile. “The soup’s not going to be all that good, anyway.”

Sehun smiled back, though his hands felt torrid. He glanced over Greta’s shoulder and found the new boy looking at him, hugging the firewood to his chest. He smiled at Sehun, who immediately looked away. 

 

* * *

 

He sat on the porch steps, shivering in his clothes as he picked at the unpalatable stale bread, watching the snowfall. His stomach grumbled.

Sehun finally caved and pushed a morsel of bread into his mouth. He grimaced at the dry, sour taste. It was Christmas eve and all he got was stale bread.

“Hey.”

He froze for a moment before he slowly turned his head halfway around to meet the new kid’s friendly smile. Sehun’s eyes then dropped the bowl he was holding in his hands. The smell of hot potato soup made Sehun’s mouth water.

The boy took his seat beside Sehun on the steps and handed Sehun the bowl of soup. Sehun stared at him confusedly.

“I brought you half of mine,” the boy said, grinning.

“Oh,” Sehun breathed out and blinked at the soup. “You didn’t have to.” He pushed the bowl back into the boy’s hands.

“Please, I insist,” the boy said, giving it back to Sehun. “I am full.”

 _You are lying_ , Sehun was tempted to say. But he pursed his lips and frowned at the boy instead. Why was he being so nice? No one at the orphanage was nice to anyone. The Housemother strictly forbade everyone from fraternising. It kept them in line. Was this boy trying to get Sehun into trouble?

“You’re not supposed to share your portion of food with others,” Sehun said.

“I know,” the boy said, still smiling pleasantly. “How are your hands?”

Sehun settled the bowl on his lap and held his hands out to the boy. The latter frowned sympathetically at Sehun’s burned palms.

“I am sorry.”

Sehun looked away from the boy. They sat in silence for a moment before Sehun decided to take a sip of the potato soup. He then dipped a nibble of the bread in the soup and ate it heartily.

“Thank you so much,” he exhaled, grinning wide.

The boy mirrored his grin. “You’re welcome.” He stuck out a hand. “I’m Kai.”

Sehun wiped breadcrumbs on his fingers on his pants before taking the boy’s hand. “Hello, Kai. I’m Sehun.”

Kai giggled as he shook Sehun’s hand. “Let’s be friends, Sehun!”

Sehun withdrew his hand and felt his blood rush to his cheeks. He felt strangely warm on a rather cold night. Kai’s optimism and buoyancy were addictive.

“How old are you, Sehun?”

“I don’t know,” Sehun said. “But Housemother says that I must be at least twelve now.”

“Oh. I’m thirteen.”

Sehun’s eyes narrowed and he pinned Kai with a sceptical look. Kai laughed. “I might be older.”

“Perhaps,” he said. “But I certainly look older than you, don’t I?”

“No, absolutely not!” Sehun argued and Kai chuckled again.

“All right, Sehun. You can be older than me if you want.”

Sehun pouted. “I _am_ older than you… Probably.”

“I am taller than you.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

Kai shrugged. He turned his attention to the snow sticking to the ground. “Did your parents leave you here?”

Sehun shook his head, dropping it. “I was taken in six years ago. Until then, I was on the streets. Alone. I grew up with a bunch of beggars.”

“I see.” He paused and swallowed. “My parents abandoned me when they fled Midbury.”

“Oh.”

They remained silent until the Housemother cried that it was time for bed.

 

* * *

 

**_Midbury, 1902._ **

 

He followed the wind, his feet pounding the soft loam of the woods. The cold air slapped against his sweat-slicked skin. Sehun bolted past the trees, trying to keep up with Kai’s gruelling pace.

His blood pumped with feverish excitement as he gasped for breath, looking up at the sun sinking in the rapidly purpling sky. The wind in his hair and against his cheeks gave him a boost. Though his legs were stinging with exhaustion, he did not concede defeat.

A few more gallops and he was outdistancing Kai. He guffawed victoriously as he thundered past the brown-haired, bronze-skinned boy.

However, his victory was short-lived. He felt Kai’s brutal weight crash against his back, sending him lurching forward before he cannoned into the grass.

“Ugh!” he groaned, rolling on the ground, grappling with Kai. “Oh, you sore blasted loser!”

Kai laughed as he straddled Sehun, seized the blond boy’s wrists, pinning him to the ground. Sehun struggled to free himself when Kai sat on his stomach.

“Quit squirming, will you,” Kai chuckled, tightening his grip around Sehun’s wrists. At the age of sixteen, Kai was hale and hearty, his lean, tall build well-muscled and sturdy. Unlike Sehun’s sinuous, lithe body. Sehun hated Kai for that. The damn guy had grown up so beautifully in the past two years.

A moment later, Sehun relaxed, but his breathing had not calmed. His chest heaved as he stared at his best friend’s reddened cheeks and grinning lips.

The thin forest was as serene as it always was. Songbirds sang. The wind chimed. The branches of the trees whistled as the leaves danced. Sehun wished he could live like this forever. The orphanage was a dank, dismal horror compared to this.

Sehun leered at the sweat bead trickling down Kai’s neck, along the sternum of his chest that was exposed by his unbuttoned shirt.

He turned his face away, feeling it grow hot and red. “Get off me, you sod,” he muttered embarrassedly.

“Giving up without a fight already, my pretty little dandelion?” Kai cooed mockingly as he leaned in.

“Oh, come on. Enough.”

“Admit defeat, then.”

“How?!” Sehun yapped. “I had clearly beaten you! You cheated.”

“The wager was to find out who is stronger. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you are underneath me right now, are you not?”

Sehun grumbled and tried to push Kai off of him. But Kai only pinned his hands harder on the ground.

“There is no shame in laying down your arms to a great man.”

“What great _man_? You haven’t even grown out your moustache!”

“That is beside the point.”

Sehun grew increasingly uncomfortable with Kai’s crotch pressed into his lower abdomen. “I am serious, you tosser. Get off or so help me—”

Kai bent over and was now looking at Sehun at eyelevel. Sehun’s breath hitched and he swore his heart had skipped a beat. He could feel the warmth of Kai’s breath on his face. Sehun’s wide eyes stared into Kai’s easy, dark ones while Kai’s grip loosened around Sehun’s wrists.

“I like you like this,” Kai admitted in a whisper. Sehun would have shuddered if he had dared to move. Kai’s gaze carefully glided down to Sehun’s lips. “Helpless. Flushed. Pink.”

“Kai, this is not funny,” Sehun murmured when he found his voice.

Kai heaved a sigh and released Sehun’s wrists, got off Sehun’s stomach, and dropped on the ground to rest at Sehun’s side.

For a long moment, they silently watched the clouds drift in the sky. Sehun could still hear his heart thundering in his throat. He splayed his fingers over his chest and clutched at his shirt to calm his roaring heart.

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” Kai said out of nowhere, breaking the tranquil quiet between them. “Midbury isn’t so bad, is it? I could have a family. A pretty blond wife like you.” He chuckled. “A daughter. Or a son. Life would be good. Simple. Happy.”

Sehun dared not look over at Kai, so he looked the other way. “We ought to head back before the Housemother notices our absence.”

“That daft cow is probably snoring by now,” Kai said.

Sehun bit his lip. He was worried that if he stayed any longer Kai would be able to hear his heartbeat. He then felt Kai’s hand cup his chin, turning his face so their eyes met. Kai propped himself up on an elbow and stared at Sehun. His hand rested on Sehun’s cheek, his thumb lightly skimming a corner of Sehun’s lips.

Sehun clenched his eyes tightly. It felt like the natural thing to do. His senses were heightened. He paid attention to every sound around him. But most of all, Kai’s sharp breathing.

His body almost spasmed when he felt a pair of warm lips press against his own. He froze. His mind turned as blank, devoid of thoughts and rationality. He then softly parted his lips, stealing a breath from the mouth that gently savoured Sehun’s.

A war. That was what it truly felt like. The exhilaration, the thrill, and the elation were contrasted by the dread, the terror, and the ambiguity of morals. He might have been suffocating. But he also felt at peace. There was nothing more harmonious than this, yet at the same time, it was brewing a chaos within him.

First kisses. Sehun had heard a lot about them from the other boys at the orphanage. Thomas, earlier this year, had snuck to the back of the orphanage with Lorna to snog her. He then came back to the room to tell the others all about Lorna’s soft lips and slender waist.

Sehun had dreamed about his first kiss for as long as he could remember. No matter how many times he had heard stories of his fellow roommates’ adventures with the girls Sehun, time and again, found himself fantasising about a man’s lips against his. God knew he had tried thinking about a woman, but he somehow always came back to the men. Tall, dark-haired, tan, sinewy men.

It was indeed everything he had dreamed it would be. Sensuous, confusing, exciting, arousing, arcane. Supple fingers slid into his hair and the heat of their tongues licked at one another. Ragged breathing, whispery moans, quiet invitations orchestrated an amatory song that drowsed him. It was everything he had imagined and more. But it was with Kai.

Kai, his best friend.

Sehun’s eyes flung open and before he even realised what he was doing, his hand flew up and he backhanded Kai’s face.

Kai retreated at once, palming his struck cheek as Sehun staggered to his feet, panting heavily. Kai kept his gaze low while Sehun gaped at him in horror. He almost apologised for hitting Kai. But tongue-tied and utterly mortified, Sehun took off, running away from Kai as fast as his tired feet could carry him with his eyes welling up with tears.

The problem was not that Kai had kissed him. Sehun could not stop crying because Kai probably thought of it as a joke. As refreshing as his devil-may-care attitude was, he was toxic and menacing. Sehun had always known that. Kai had gotten into more troubles with not only the Housemother but with the entire town than anyone else in Midbury had. He was not good news. He was a mischief-maker who cared about nothing.

He had stolen Sehun’s first kiss. That bloody bastard.

When he had reached the orphanage, he raced up to the room he shared with three other boys. They were four until Harry had left the orphanage when he turned eighteen.

Sehun knew this was not the best place to hide from Kai but he did not have anywhere else to go. At least Thomas and Martin were not there.

“Sehun?” Greta called when she found him sobbing his pallet. “Are you… crying?”

Sehun sat up slowly, wiping his cheeks on his sleeve. “No.” It was the most blatant lie. “Did the Housemother see me?”

Greta shook her head. “You ought to stop sneaking out during the day, though.” She walked over to his bed and took a seat. “I am leaving tomorrow.”

Sehun stiffened. “Are you…”

Greta smiled. “I am.”

Sehun’s heart sank. He then sobbed even harder. Greta curled her arms around his shaking body and stroked his back. “Why must you?” he wept into her shoulder.

“I am marrying Master Greggory,” she sighed.

Sehun straightened up and grimaced at her. “That old tightwad? Hasn’t he already been married four times already?”

Greta frowned. “It would not be that bad.”

“I suppose,” Sehun muttered. “Anything would be better than this.”

“You will be all right, won’t you? You still have Kai.”

 

 

 

# Chapter Three

 

**_Midbury, 1911._ **

 

Nothing much had changed with the town. Everything was dingy and sorrowful. The filthiness covered in snow. The despair blanketed by white. Christmas was a dead festivity here.

“Where are you off to, sir?” a boy asked, approaching Sehun with a phony grin.

Sehun glanced around. “Um, Midbury Orphanage,” he said.

“That old place on Christmas?” the boy scoffed and eyed Sehun’s luggage. “Can I carry that for you, sir? For only one silver!”

Sehun smiled and handed the boy the luggage. “What is your name, lad?”

“Billy, sir.”

They started towards the orphanage.

“You look rather spiffy, sir. Mind if I ask where you’re from?” the boy asked.

“I’m from here actually,” Sehun said.

Billy sneered. “There is in no way a fine man like you could be from a shoddy place like Midbury!”

Sehun smirked. “I moved to Cragford a few years ago.”

“Ah. Why are you visiting the orphanage, then?”

Sehun licked his lips and glanced at the shabby huts some called home. “To remind myself that this is not my home.”

Just like the town, the orphanage was no different. Why was it that it felt like everything was a lifetime ago? He gazed up the grey building and exhaled a shaky breath.

“That’d be one silver, please,” Billy said and averted Sehun’s attention.

“Thank you,” Sehun said, paying the boy. Once the boy had skipped away, Sehun sucked in a breath and rang the doorbell. A moment later, the door was wrenched open by the very woman Sehun had feared all his life.

She was looked older than she was in his memories. Her wrinkled skin was as pale as ever. Her hair had greyed. She had even lost some weight.

“What do you want?” she asked grouchily with a hand sitting on her hip.

Sehun cleared his throat before speaking. “Don’t you remember me, Housemother?” he asked, frowning. He hoped she would remember him. He hoped she would finally look at him with some regard and respect.

But she grimaced at him, eyes narrowing with disgust. She eyeballed him from top to toe and scratched her head. “Do I owe you money?” she asked.

“Lord, no,” Sehun sighed. “It’s me. Sehun.”

The Housemother arched a messy eyebrow. “Sehun who?”

Sehun heaved another sigh. “I lived here six years ago.”

“Oh,” she said, blinking vacantly.

Sehun fished out a pouch of coins. “I came to make some donations to the orphanage.”

The Housemother gasped and snatched the pouch from Sehun’s hand, grinning hysterically. “That is mighty kind of you. Do come in.”

That was the first time she had ever smiled at Sehun and she did not even remember who he was.

Sehun entered the orphanage and felt a shiver surge down his spine. As much as he had wanted to do this, to come back here, he wished he could run back to Cragford immediately.

“You say you used to live here,” the Housemother said as she ushered Sehun into the dining hall.

“I was here for all my life, Housemother.”

“Sorry. My memory isn’t what it used to be.” She pointed Sehun towards a chair. “But look at you. You seem like a comfortable young chap now, don’t you?”

She would not sound so delightful if she were made aware of the kind of profession Sehun did for a living.

“I am actually here to inquire about someone who used to live here,” Sehun said.

“Who is it?”

“Kai.”

The Housemother’s face was instantly scrunched up in dismay. “Ah, that good-for-nothing wazzock.”

Sehun clenched his fists as his heart hammered against his chest. “Does he… still reside in Midbury?”

“You bet he does,” she scoffed.

Sehun’s heartbeat quickened. “Do you perhaps know where I could find him?”

“Ask around the town for him. Anyone would show you the way.”

Sehun grinned and shot up to his feet. “Thank you.”

“Mind if I pried a little? Why are you looking for that sod?”

Sehun licked his smiling lips and shook his head lightly. “Merry Christmas, ma’am.” With that, he started towards the door.

“Oh, it’s about to get dark. Why don’t you spend the night?” the Housemother offered.

Sehun’s eyebrows rose in surprise. The Housemother had never sounded so kind. “That would be very nice. Thank you.”

“For a price, of course. I’m not doing charity work here.”

Sehun loured at her. “This is an _orphanage._ ”

The Housemother shrugged.

 

* * *

 

**_City of Cragford, 1908._ **

 

Cigar smoke swirled in the room, mixed with the pleasant fragrance of scented oil that Sehun was covered in. He smiled at Lord Humphry and nuzzled the older man’s neck.

Lord Humphry huffed out another pall of smoke before he lazily kissed Sehun on the lips, sluggish from after sex drowsiness. They were spent, stained, and exhausted as they lay on the dirtied bed in tangled limbs.

“I ought to pay you in diamonds for that,” Lord Humphry commented in a whisper, gently caressing Sehun’s back before he lowered his hand to grip his arse.

Sehun smirked, pressing a hand to Lord Humphry’s abdomen. “Well, I won’t refuse,” he drawled, carding his fingers through the man’s long brown hair.

Lord Humphry laughed. He then took a deep breath, drawing his fingertips along Sehun’s waist. “You are very beautiful,” he said, lips ghosting over Sehun’s.

“I know.”

“And a little vain.”

Sehun kissed Lord Humphry’s smirking lips. “Don’t you find Lady Margot beautiful?”

“Well, she most certainly is, for a rather old woman. But,” he let out and cupped Sehun’s cheek. “my tastes are rather exquisite.”

“I do not doubt it,” Sehun breathed out and climbed atop Lord Humphry, straddling his hips, grinding his arse against the man’s cock. “Ready for round three?”

Lord Humphry set aside the cigar and latched his hands to the slender sides of Sehun’s torso. “If you can take it,” he said, not in a scoffing way but concernedly. He pushed himself up and placed a kiss on Sehun’s collarbone. “If I left my wife, will you have me?”

Sehun sucked in a trembling breath and planted his hands in Lord Humphry’s hair. “William,” he moaned breathily as the man dragged his lips along Sehun’s neck.

“Is that a yes?”

“How will you afford me if you leave your rich wife?”

“Hmm… Fair point.” He brushed his lips on Sehun’s nipple and gently sucked it. Sehun fought for breath, tightening his grip on the young nobleman’s hair. “Maybe I’ll get a menial job.”

“You are too handsome for that. And I believe your tastes are too exquisite for a menial job to satisfy.”

William then pulled back with a sigh. “I must leave,” he said.

Sehun frowned at him. “Really?” He quickly slid off Lord Humphry to let the man get dressed.

“I have some important people to meet.”

“Does that mean I’m not important?”

Lord Humphry looked back at him and smiled. He briefly kissed Sehun before he slapped Sehun’s arse and rose from the bed to pull his trousers on. “When you’re with me, you are the only important person, make no mistake. But I have work to do, too. I will see you soon, darling.”

Once he had left, Sehun sat slumped against the headboard, smoking the cigar Lord Humphry had left.

The door swung open all of a sudden and Kyle barged in.

“Jesus Christ, Kyle!” Sehun growled, covering himself up with the sheets.

“Are you decent?” Kyle asked, eyes closed tightly.

“I am now. What is it?”

“You… have a visitor.”

Sehun gawked at Kyle for a long moment before he realised Kyle was not joking. “What?”

“He’s waiting for you downstairs! I don’t think he knew this is bordello when he stepped inside. He looks rather… petrified now.”

Sehun scurried off the bed and clothed himself. Who on earth could come looking for him here?! “Did he say who he is?!”

“Kai.”

Sehun froze completely with his heart in his mouth. A lump climbed its way up his throat while his fingers trembled. “Kai?”

“Yes.”

Sehun palmed his face. He knew it was a bad idea to write a letter to Greta a year ago, telling her that she could always find him here if she ever needed him.

“Could you ask him to wait?” Sehun muttered in a diffident voice. “I should probably take a bath before seeing him.”

Kyle nodded, scratching his head, and closed the door.

Sehun sank in the bed, planting his head in his hands. This was horrible.

 

* * *

 

With dread filling his chest, Sehun found Kai in the living room, discomfort and uneasiness clear in his face.

Sehun stopped at the doorway and stared at Kai for a minute while Kai glanced around the room. He looked good. Handsome. Better than what Sehun had thought he would turn out to be. His dark hair was a mess as it always had been. It was one of the many things Sehun used to adore about Kai.

“Kai?” he called as he stepped into the room.

Kai instantly jolted up to his feet with a bright grin, which quickly died when he met Sehun’s gaze.

Sehun smiled, lowering his head, rubbing his arm.

“Sehun,” Kai then rasped and bolted across the room. All the wind was knocked out of Sehun’s lungs when Kai locked his arms around him and squeezed him in a tight embrace. “Gosh, look at you!”

Kai drew back and mustered Sehun from head to toe.

“You look bloody fantastic!”

Sehun blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “So… So do you.”

“Stop yanking my chain. You look nothing like a small-town pillock now! You’re like a proper gentleman!”

Sehun pulled himself away from Kai, as though to not taint Kai with all of his filth and impurity. “Come on. Let’s head out.”

“Cragford is insane!”

Sehun made sure that they were far away from the bordello before he said, “Why are you here?”

“What do you mean why am I here?”

Sehun came to a halt and faced Kai. “Why are you in Cragford?”

Kai’s smile faltered. “To… see you, of course,” he said in a low voice.

Sehun’s heart skipped a beat. “You came all the way to Cragford just to see me?”

“Well, I also wanted to look around the city. You’re the only person I know here. I thought we could catch up.”

Sehun swallowed hard. Kai was momentarily distracted by the shouting vendors. He grinned at everything around him.

“This is bloody magnificent,” he let out in awe.

“It has been more almost three years, Kai.”

Kai returned his attention to Sehun. “I know. You look so different.”

“That’s not the point.”

Kai then sighed. “I’m sorry I never tried to reach you sooner.”

“That isn’t the point either.” Sehun rubbed his temples. Then he shook his head. “Would you like to get some dinner?”

 

* * *

Sehun silently watched Kai eat. It had been almost three years and Sehun still hadn’t gotten over his childish crush on a boy who was so carefree and insouciant about everything. Even himself.

Kai licked the gravy off his thumb and chased it with some water. “Can you believe we are actually here together?” he said, smiling like an idiot again. Sehun would never tell Kai how much he loved seeing Kai smile like that. “It feels like it was only yesterday we were just kids playing in the woods.”

“It sure does,” Sehun muttered.

“Do you ever think about going back to Midbury?” Kai asked.

Sehun held his gaze low. “No.”

“Really? Greta had her second child. Thomas is getting married. Leon found a job in Rowmount.”

“Good for them,” Sehun said. As much as he wanted to know what Kai was up to these days, he was worried that Kai might wonder the same thing about him and Sehun would rather die than tell Kai that he rented out his body to men for money.

“I am still looking for a job,” Kai said. “Cragford might just provide me with what I need, don’t you think?”

Sehun was simultaneously excited and terrified to hear that. “That would depend on your set of skills.”

“What set of skills do _you_ have?” Kai snorted and Sehun was paralysed in his seat. He swigged his drink in large drafts and cleared his throat.

“How long will you be staying?”

Kai shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

They soon exited the restaurant and walked towards nowhere. Or just anywhere the pavements took them.

Sehun was trembling and he clenched his clammy hands in his coat’s pockets. This felt surreal. Walking the streets of Cragford with Kai. As kids, they would have dreamed of a night like this. Strolling side by side in a city that never slept. But now, it just seemed too good to be true.

“What have been you up to all these years, Sehun?” Kai inquired in a low voice at length.

“Like I said. It’s been almost three years. I’m up to a lot of things,” Sehun muttered, keeping his eyes on the grey pavements.

Kai caught Sehun’s arm and yanked him to a stop. Sehun stared at Kai’s grave eyes. He rarely looked so serious but when he did, Sehun knew Kai was demanding answers or results.

“Enlighten me,” Kai said.

Sehun’s breathing shallowed. He kept mum.

Kai then sighed and released Sehun’s arm. “I know nothing about you anymore,” he admitted miserably. “I used to think we’d be best friends forever.”

“Whose fault is it that we are not anymore?” Sehun countered.

Kai’s eyebrows furrowed into a frown. “I don’t know, Sehun. I don’t know because you never told me. All I remember is that one day we kissed and then for a whole year you stopped talking to me and ignored me no matter how many times I tried to talk to you. Then one day, you just… left. You didn’t say goodbye. You didn’t tell me where you’re going. You treated me like I… meant nothing to you.”

Sehun turned his face away with his chest tightening with misery. How could he ever tell Kai now that while Kai was playing with him, unaware of how he was affecting Sehun, Sehun was falling in love with him?

How could he tell Kai now that he, a prostitute, loved him?

“Well, there you go then,” Sehun said, his voice thick and gruff. “You don’t mean anything to me.”

He turned on his heel to walk away but Kai stopped him once more, catching Sehun’s arm. “You don’t mean that.”

Sehun gritted his teeth while tears threatened to fall from his eyes. “Stop touching me!” he snarled and yanked his arm free. “You’ve seen me now, haven’t you? Go home, Kai.”

Kai frowned, staring at Sehun with such woe that rendered Sehun weak. “Why do you hate me, Sehun? What have I done?” He paused and glanced away, blinking the tears in his eyes. “All this time, I thought that you were… disgusted with me.”

Sehun’s eyes widened in surprise. What was this all about?

“You despised me for…” Kai trailed off for a moment. “I thought you were repulsed and sickened by me. But now that I know you have _absolutely_ no problem spreading your legs for men, tell me why you pushed me out of your life.”

Sehun’s head spun. “K-Kai…”

“I’m not a moron, Sehun,” Kai spat furiously. “I knew from the moment I stepped into that filthy place what you’re up to.” He caught Sehun’s shirt collar and yanked him close. “So, indulge me. Do I repulse you so much that I seem like a lousy low-rent twit compared to those bastards that pay you to bend for them?”

Sehun pulled Kai’s hand off his shirt. “Precisely. They _pay_ me. What can a jobless loafer like you offer me?”

Kai dropped his hand to his side.

Sehun panted, feeling frazzled and jaded. “No, Kai,” he rasped. “I didn’t mean… Wait.” He caught his breath and looked up at Kai with glistening eyes.

“Fine,” Kai muttered. “I’ll go, Sehun. I’m sorry… for everything.”

“No,” Sehun gasped and held onto Kai’s hand. “Please. Don’t go.”

 

 

# Chapter Four

 

**_City of Cragford, 1909._ **

 

Mr. Hawthorn fixed Sehun with an incredulous look. “Sehun, it has been over a week since you’ve taken a client,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sehun gnawed at his lip, leaning against the hallway’s wall. “I’m sorry, Gabe. But I’m really not feeling up to it tonight.”

“What lousy excuse have you come up with today?”

Sehun frowned, hanging his head in embarrassment. “Gabe—”

“You already owe me a week’s money, kid. Don’t slug around. Come on now. This’ll be a quick one. He looks strapping and youthful.”

Sehun’s shoulders dropped in defeat as Mr. Hawthorn ushered him to one of the rooms.

Prostitution was an easy job that paid really well, Sehun had believed. Until he realised it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to let other men touch his body. It was starting to feel like poison spreading over him.

He did his job and got paid for it, too. But that night, he stayed at the bordello, not wanting to see Kai while he had just been with another man.

But the very next night, he headed over to Kai’s derelict, small flat, with a box of muffins.

He rapped the door and grinned to himself. When Kai opened the door, wearing nothing but a pair of tightly fitting shorts, Sehun’s jaw fell slack. He quickly recovered and looked away, biting his tongue.

“You said you’d come yesterday,” Kai said as he walked back into the messy, untidy flat, leaving the door open for Sehun.

Shutting it behind him, Sehun leered at Kai’s back that was well-defined with muscles and scars he had earned from the Housemother when he was younger. Sehun had never been more tempted to touch a man’s back than he was now.

“I was… busy,” he said, handing Kai the muffins.

Kai put them aside and plumped on his pallet on the floor. Sehun retreated to the window and perched on the windowsill.

“Busy as in…” Kai said, cocking an eyebrow.

Sehun nodded his head. He could feel the blood fill his cheeks with embarrassment. This was never a comfortable topic for him. Although Kai had reassured him many a time that he was indeed okay with Sehun’s choice of profession, Sehun knew no man would ever be okay with his lover lying with other men.

Lovers. Was that what they were to each other now? The thought itself made Sehun’s chest all warm and fuzzy. They would have never been able to call each other lovers back in Midbury.

Over the past five months, a lot of things had happened and evolved. For Kai, at least. It had been painful at first. But eventually, they began to believe that their feelings for each other could survive it all.

Not that either of them had admitted their feelings, though. Sehun knew they weren’t ready for that sort of intimacy just yet. He didn’t know how he would react to Kai’s touches. Would he be indifferent? Would Kai treat him like a lover or like a prostitute? Would Sehun react like a lover or a prostitute? Was there a difference? Wasn’t all sex the same?

It wasn’t. Sehun knew that much at least. He knew that sleeping with Lord Humphry was nothing like sleeping with others. But he could not even sleep with Lord Humphry without feeling queasy ever since Kai had walked back into his life.

“What happened to your hand?” Sehun asked when he noticed the gash on Kai’s palm.

“Oh. I got it from the factory I work at,” Kai said offhandedly, loosely wrapping his arms around his knees.

Sehun knelt before Kai on the floor and took his hand. He examined the bright red wound and frowned. “I should get a bandage.”

“No,” Kai said. “It’s fine.”

Sehun let go of Kai’s hand. “You don’t have to toil so hard. You work seven days a week. Are you even getting any sleep?”

Kai was silent for a moment. Then scowling a little he said, “I have to work hard to earn enough.”

“For what?”

“So that you can stop whoring yourself, Sehun,” Kai said, eyebrows drawn together in a sad frown.

Sehun closed his eyes momentarily, dropping his head. “Nobody’s forcing me to do this, Kai. I am doing it on my own will. I have to make a living.”

“Not like this.” Kai shot up to his feet and stomped over to the window, hands balled into fists.

Sehun rose to his full height and approached Kai. “Do you… want me to stop?” he asked in a whisper with a sob rising in his throat.

_Please, tell me to stop._

_I will stop. Please, tell me you want me to stop._

He raised a hand to Kai’s back and lightly pressed his fingers to his shoulder blade. He felt Kai shiver under his touch. Kai turned around and faced Sehun with bloodshot eyes.

“I cannot… touch you, Sehun,” Kai said in a stern tone. Sehun instantly took a step back. “God knows I want to.” He scrubbed his face with his hands and exhaled heavily. “But I’m worried that you would… find me no different than the men you lay with.”

There wasn’t a more painful wound than that. Sehun wanted to childishly cover his ears, break into a sob, and run out of there. But he was stilled to the ground as he wordlessly stared at Kai.

The worst of all was that he could not convince Kai otherwise because he wasn’t so sure himself.

“I come home to you,” Sehun said after a while, a tear trickling down his cheek. He couldn’t look up at Kai. He thought that even his gaze would be impure.

“What?”

Sehun drew a breath and snivelled. “I come home to you… I sell my body for money. I know that I have a choice. But what’s the point? Aren’t I already too filthy? What difference would it make even if I stopped now? Would it make you look at me the way you used to when we were younger? I sleep with people… but I come home to you. And I could never wait to come home. You won’t touch me. You can’t even look at me when I come back from the bordello. I understand, Kai. I don’t blame you for despising me.”

“I do not despise you,” Kai cut in. “Sehun, I love you.”

Sehun blinked his watery eyes and wiped his cheeks.

“But it’s too painful for me,” Kai added. “And you’re right. I don’t know what difference it would make if you stopped now for me. You wouldn’t have gotten into this in the first place if there were other ways. Look at me. I cannot even afford you for one night.” He scoffed and wiped a tear from his eye.

Sehun closed the distance between them. He cupped Kai’s face in his hands and dared himself to look into Kai’s eyes.

“What do you want, Kai?” Sehun asked in a breath, pressing his body against Kai’s.

Kai brought his hands to the sides of Sehun’s waist. “I wish you had asked me this question when I first kissed you that day seven years ago,” Kai whispered and Sehun’s hands slipped from Kai’s face to his chest.

“I wish I hadn’t run away,” Sehun said. “I wish I had told you that I loved you. I was too scared. I was worried to hear you say things that I didn’t have the courage to hear.”

“You would have heard me say that I love you too, Sehun.”

Their lips met with the slightest brush. It simply took Sehun’s breath away. He could not believe it the first time, he could not believe it now.

Kai was kissing him.

Suddenly, Sehun was a fifteen-year-old boy again, running through the forest with his best friend, lying on the grass, watching the evening sky before he was kissed by the boy of his dreams. It was all suddenly so innocent again. The longing, the hunger for warmth and love, the grievance of never getting them.

Why was it hurting so? Kissing someone and touching them never felt so painful. Why was it that with Kai nothing seemed easy? Why couldn’t the harrowing dread ever fade?

Kai pushed Sehun up against the wall and kissed him deeply. His hands commandingly gripped Sehun’s hip and thigh while his tongue licked along the seam of Sehun’s lips, demanding access which Sehun easily relinquished. For just one night, he wanted to forget all those years that had separated him and Kai. He wanted to etch the heat of Kai’s skin all over his own.

Kai did not break the kiss while he undressed Sehun and bore him to the pallet. Sehun forgot his own name for the rest of the night. Skin against skin, as their sweats and breaths mingled, Kai made love to him until Sehun was moaning Kai’s name like a prayer.

Kai’s mouth marked Sehun’s body, bruised his skin, claimed the ownership of Sehun’s lips. His fingers curled around Sehun, stretching him gently, unhurriedly. Sehun did not dare to tell Kai to hurry. He wanted to savour every second of it.

“I love you, Kai,” Sehun gasped, kissing Kai sloppily. He then moaned gruffly when Kai reached his sweet spot.

When Kai finally slid his cock into him, Sehun’s back arched off the pallet and into Kai’s body. His cockhead prodded into Sehun’s prostate as he picked up the pace of his thrusts.

Kai took Sehun’s hand and held it to the pallet, thrusting harder into him. He fisted Sehun’s arching member with his other hand and stroked it to match his thrusts.

It was the greatest form of bonding. The trust Sehun had instilled in Kai and the pinnacle of intimacy Kai was willing to share with Sehun. It was indescribable. Sehun throbbed as Kai swelled and came inside him, filling his insides with warmth. He did not slow his pace. He kept thrusting, using his come as an additional lubricant until Sehun had reached his climax.

As they came down from their high, Kai collapsed on top of Sehun and caught his breath. The complexity of such simplicity was mindboggling.

He could never get used to Kai’s delicate touches.

It was different. Most certainly different.

Having Kai hold him, still buried to the hilt inside him, as they fell asleep in each other’s arms… That was home.

He roused the next morning to an empty pallet. To an empty flat. Sunlight streamed into the room through the window, blessing the day with such prosperity and warmth.

Sehun’s heart had never felt darker and colder. He hugged his own quaking body under the covers and wept uncontrollably, burying his face into Kai’s pillow.

 

* * *

**_Midbury, 1911._ **

 

“This is the street he lives on,” Billy said, pointing his forefinger down the road. “House number five.”

“Thanks, Billy,” Sehun said and tossed him a coin.

Billy tipped his hat and grinned. “Yell my name if you need somewhere else to go. Merry Christmas!”

Sehun picked up his luggage and started towards house number five with his heart thundering in his chest. When he found the house, he paused to take in a deep breath and straighten his coat for a moment.

The door opened.

“Can I help you?” a woman asked, looking at Sehun like she had seen a ghost. She was a beautiful young woman, blond, brown-eyed, svelte.

Sehun checked the house number again. “Uh… Is this… Kai’s house?”

“Yes, he’s my husband,” the woman said, smiling. “Who might you be?”

Sehun felt his blood run cold. He lost his voice. He then heard a baby wailing from inside. He staggered a step back and almost tripped over his luggage.

“Oh, are you all right?” the woman gasped as Sehun steadied himself.

“Yes… Yes,” he let out, panting a little.

“Kai isn’t home,” she said. “You can wait for him inside. It’s rather cold outside.”

Sehun gawked at her stupidly. He wasn’t sure if his head was pounding on its own or if someone was hammering it to an anvil.

“No, that’s all right,” he said once he had found his voice. “I’ll just… come at another time.”

“Should I tell him you stopped by? What’s your name?” She smiled pleasantly.

Sehun shook his head. “It’s okay.” He lifted his luggage and turned around. He stumbled a couple of steps and clenched his eyes to regain his composure.

“Merry Christmas,” the woman said.

Sehun looked back at her and smiled. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

 

* * *

 

Nine years ago, if only he hadn’t run away from Kai that day, if only he had asked Kai what he wanted from him, if only he had confessed his feelings for Kai that day, he never would have left Midbury or he would have boarded the train to Cragford together with Kai. He wouldn’t have ended up on the wrong, darker side of the street. Mr. Hawthorn would never have found him. Lord Humphry would never have taken Sehun to the bed. Sehun’s fate might never have turned out the way it had. He might have struggled but he would always go home to Kai.

He sat in Midbury Train Station, staring at the railroads. Missed opportunities. Wrong turns. Poor choices. They had cost him the most precious person in his life. Maybe he would never fall in love, maybe he would never be ready to let go of Kai.

But holding Kai back would be the most selfish thing he could ever imagine doing. He could not drag Kai down with him.

“Leaving without a goodbye again?”

For a short moment, Sehun wondered if he were just imagining his voice again. But then he lifted his gaze and looked over at Kai.

He rose to his feet. “You left without a goodbye too,” Sehun said, his chest aching with sorrow.

Kai nodded his head slowly, advancing towards Sehun. “You have no idea how badly I hoped that you would come to Midbury to look for me.”

“I did,” Sehun muttered. “I guess I was a tad too late.”

Kai blinked his watery eyes, turning his face away. “You were.”

Sehun forced a smile. “I’m glad I was, though.” He looked back at the approaching train. Then facing Kai again, he said, “I want you to live a life you wanted to live, Kai. I did not want you to get sucked into my… filth.”

Kai bowed his head. “I never stopped loving you.”

Sehun licked his lips and wiped his eye before he could let a tear drop. “Don’t make it harder than it already is.”

“It’s not the filth I feared, Sehun,” Kai admitted, raising a hand to cup a side of Sehun’s face. Sehun leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “It was me. I couldn’t do it. I love you, but I couldn’t ask you to be with me.”

“I understand,” Sehun said and pulled away.

Kai took a step back too as the train arrived. “Maybe in another life, we’d get another chance.”

Sehun gripped his luggage tightly. “Another Christmas in Midbury?” he said, smiling at Kai.

Kai mirrored his smile as a tear rolled down his cheek. He lurched forward and pulled Sehun into a kiss.

Sehun tasted the salt of their tears on their lips as he kissed Kai back, fisting Kai’s coat. “Goodbye, Kai,” Sehun said and drew away.

It was the first goodbye he had ever told Kai. In fact, the first goodbye they ever told each other. They knew that they would never see each other again. Unless there was another Christmas in Midbury for them together.

 

End.

* * *

[Reader-friendly PDF](http://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/c5f03d_f9766364c0594b9caaa90894d70e0884.pdf)

 


End file.
